I feel like I'm forsaking my son when I leave him in his crib to cry. That boy has the will and strength to totally out cry my patience. He gets so tired and just will not sleep sometimes. The tears roll down his checks and then collect in his ears like small puddles of rain. He looks at me and screams louder and my heart wants to pick him up and comfort his cry. I know he is just tired and that little baby already knows how to manipulate his mother.

It's totally a trap as well. As soon (if I do) pick him up he stops crying which soothes my heart. I'll rock him in my arms and then his eyes will flutter and off to sleep he'll go. The littlest movement towards his crib will send him back into a tail spin. I rock him again until I think he's in a deeper sleep and then place him in his crib. With satisfaction and relief that his wail has disappeared I walk down the hall and my shoulders relax. The second I decide to do something (shower, eat breakfast, email or even blog :) the squelching holler starts again. Why won't little zoomer sleep.

Never Too Late

My son Zoomer is six months today. Six months, plus 41+ weeks, equals too long to have not written anything down. I have had so many thoughts, so many feelings and am grateful beyond belief for the new and humbling experience of motherhood. What an amazing life experience and my goal is to write everything I feel and learn. For example the first time I felt an overwhelming love for my son was not when he was born but rather one day when I was looking at his feet and realized they were so utterly adorable. I decided to keep him around after all, that very day.